How To Lose Old Friends, Cherished Enemies and Piss Off The Whole Island...

Your humble narrator has stumbled upon topics, posts and blogs way above his mortal comprehension.

In his few moments of hobbled comprehension he could make out certain phrases, words and slogans that seem to be doing the rounds, such as 'shared space',' integration' and 'reconciliation'.

NOT a shared space

Shared space

After perusing the dictionary and finally finding out what an 'Aardvark' is (A nocturnal burrowing mammal with long ears, a tubular snout, and a long extensible tongue, feeding on ants and termites) as well as the afore mentioned buzzwords, your humble narrator has decided to take upon himself the role of highlighting just what it is that annoys 'themuns' about the everyday culture of others.

If we could 'tweak' a few things, then how much better could it be? Or worse...?

The Aardvark: Couldn't give an ant's arse about Shared Space

After doing so your awkward narrator will relocate to somewhere more laid back and less dangerous to politically interested Hiberno-Ultonian-Scotto-Anglo-Celtic-Identity-Riven-Unionist bloggers.





1/ Flegs (again...)


In this instance though, we'll look mainly at the all Ireland aspect of flags (there is already an unworthy post regarding Norn Iron and its lack of a fleg: http://amgobsmacked.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/marketing-filthy-word-deleted-from.html)

It is well known that most people down south (whenever it's not too expensive for them) would like to see a United Ireland.
Naturally that implies that they have given very little thought to all the hassle that comes with having us lot as their new compatriots, but anyway, each to their own.

As a sovereign nation they have their own flag and are very proud of it.

It is rumoured that many other countries have taken inspiration from this flag.

Too boot, it has a noble sentiment: Green, white, orange - Peace (white) between Catholic (green) and Protestant (orange).

Jolly good.

Furthermore, it must be acknowledged that nearly half or indeed half of Northern Ireland's population have it as the flag of their choice.

Again, can't argue with that, especially as to date Northern Ireland has yet to offer them an alternative (for the millionth time the Ulster Flag is defunct) and like many people all over the UK (e.g. Billy Bragg) they're not too enamoured with the Union Flag (unlike your humble narrator).

 Now, by a similar token, it must be respected that the other half of Northern Ireland's population aren't in love with the Irish tri-colour.
Indeed, they hint as much by burning dozens if not hundreds of them every bonfire night (the night before the apex of 'Carnival Season').

Loyalists: Trying to tell you something?

With this animosity in mind and the official stance being one that aims to bring us all together then is it beyond reason that perhaps some of the larger sporting bodies should perhaps take note and act as such?
Remember, an all Ireland sporting body is exactly that - one that takes in 'all' of Ireland as in the two political bodies.



But is this earnestly portrayed or does one simply bull doze over the other?

If it is the bulldozer then does this mean that decades of talk about parity of esteem, minority rights and respect are just ignored?

Hmmmmm.

Well, lets see:


First of all, the Ireland rugby team.

Well, lets be honest, they do try, but it is a tri-colour fest and until relatively recently it was standard practice that the Anthem used was the anthem of the Irish Republic.
 Thankfully, in a bold step (much to the irk of Tim Pat Coogan) they brought in a neutral theme that could apply to BOTH political entities, not just the larger one.

So in that aspect, it's IRFU 1 - IFA 0 (the Belfast based IFA still play GSTQ, the anthem of the UK, Northern Ireland  as of yet doesn't have a regional anthem unlike some of the other UK nations).

BUT, the fleg.

As of yet, they still fly the tri-colour, the flag of the larger entity.

However, in their defence, they'd be signing their own death warrant if they got shot of the tri-colour completely.
And for Northern Ireland's part, well, they don't have a flag (no, this record ain't for a changin') so one can't argue for 2 flags to be flown at games as to date only one of the political entities has a flag.

Your narrator must tip his hat to several pubs in the Northern Ireland mothership that circumvent such squabbles by flying the IRFU flag instead of a tri-colour.

This displays sensitivity and a fair degree of common sense.

Replace the Tri-Colour?: "On second thoughts Mr O'Connell, it's grand the way it is, I'll be on my way so..."

The Irish Olympic Team

Well, in fairness to them, they pretty much represent themselves on this one and as such are right to play their anthem and fly their flag.

Granted, it is open for Northerners too, since the GFA we can all get Irish passports.

Should anyone from NI want to compete in the Irish team then it's quite clearly a case of dancing to their tune as the case would be if one decided to compete in any other team on a 2nd passport whether that be Ireland, Canada or Pakistan.

If you don't like their flag or anthem then don't join, just try and get selected for team GB (good luck...)

I actually did a Google search of "Hot Irish Olympic Girls" and this came up...

Other All Ireland Sports teams

Well, it's a mixed bag really but by and large it (seemingly) tends to be the case that the flag and anthem of the larger Irish political entity is used.

Given that there is so much trouble around the topic of flags and that sports are meant to overlook political pettiness, is it really too much to ask to have an all Ireland flag for all Ireland sports instead of choosing one political entity's flag over the other's?

What about these?

 



Surely this would help alleviate (a very little bit) some of the Northern Fears about having Republicanism 'thrust' upon them?

Who would lose out by such a move? Certainly not Ireland.

The Flegs of Themuns

On the Unionist side of the fence (mentioned before) there is a plethora of flags.

How?

What?!

                 


Some redundant, some offensive and some down right contradictory e.g. A Union Flag and an Independence Fleg on the same lamp post? C'mon people!

What do they have in common?
They're everywhere.
Even in some mainly Nationalist towns like Magherafelt they're all over the place. And not just for the 12th either.

"It's our culture!" I hear you cry.

Well. Yes.
But only recently.
Since we (Protestants/Unionists) WANTED it to be so.

What did Protestants do for culture before these flags appeared (and in some cases officially disappeared)?

Let's see:

Fiddling and Folk Music - big part of Scottish culture, introduced to Ulster (course it was quite big there already)

Pipes - Belfast once had a decent number of Bagpipe bands, but now it's the rural areas that are the mainstay of piping.
Also, once upon a time there was a class of 'Gentleman Pipers', effectively posh Protestants who played the Uilleann Pipes.
The playing of Uilleann pipes is now thought of as something that 'themuns' do.

A Gentleman Piper: A.K.A. "A Prod"

Dancing - A mix of Scottish and Irish culture (shock!).
Dances were quite the big thing in Orange halls till a few decades ago. Indeed, you were more likely to find dances in Orange halls than in bars in the Republic as there was some sort of 'fun-Gestapo' there that thought "down with this sort of thing!"



Shinty (!!!???) - OK, you're bedeviled narrator is pushing the boat out on this one, nonetheless, it was more common than given credit for.
Look no further than one of the founders of Dunloy GAA Club, Co Antrim.

CULTURE: The Good Old Days?

So, given the rich history of the Northerners, why is 'fleg flyin' so important? (other than to mark out territory)
There's a rich vein of history and culture to dip into, potentially the best of Scottish and Irish culture if they wanted to just show off altogether.

Kerb Painting and Crap Graffiti

It looks bad.

FYI, nothing will make you look more stupid than when you draw a Red Hand of Ulster with a thumb and FIVE fingers. You know who you are...

Eyesore

Intimidating

Poor effort

Pretty damn cool actually

2/ The IFA
Actually, your humble narrator has already vented his long suffering spleen on this one:
http://amgobsmacked.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/marketing-filthy-word-deleted-from.html




3/ The GAA

Hmmmmm

Bit of a hot topic this one.

No matter, there are a few facts that must be stated:

1/ Most Protestants and Unionists in Northern Ireland see it as an engine room of Nationalism if not Republicanism.
There are those who simply just aren't interested in it and there are those who see it as a Republican structure that fuels the 'insurgents' up North

2/ It is a non-sectarian organisation.
There are many Protestants within it's ranks down south (who frankly can't see what all the fuss is about, the tri-colour is their flag after all) and a small (teeny in fact) number of them in Northern Ireland. Though their number does appear to be increasing: http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/northern-ireland/schoolchildren-play-hurling-game-in-loyalist-heartland-28628903.html


3/ The GAA does have it's roots in Nationalism and does nod a wink towards Republicanism now and again e.g. a number of it's clubs are named after Republicans.

Note to all: If you want Northern Protestants to think that you are the Devil's offspring then name your club after a Republican. It's almost a guaranteed way of ensuring that Northern Protestants won't join it.

4/ Some times some of it's members don't toe the party line and do use the GAA as a backdrop for Republicanism

5/ It's perhaps much easier for Catholics to get involved as they are exposed to it in Catholic Schools.

OK, so this picture isn't really relevant, but it's about time I had some pictures of pretty girls on here. And they are political. And they're protesting. Plus you all need a break, this is quite a big point this section here.

So if you go to a state school, tough titty.

If only someone could invent a school that was able have Protestants and Catholics in the same room without one set bursting into flames.
Perhaps in said fire-retardant school people could be given a choice to play Gaelic sport.
 As it stands many are pretty much denied this opportunity.

Till a scientist comes up with solution this will remain the case....



6/ Being a mainly Southern based entity, it, like many sporting associations blindly follows the tri-colour and quite frankly can't see why so many people get hot and bothered about using it.
If only they would quit complaining and use the tri-colour sure wouldn't everything be fine so?

No.

But then again, even if they were to make the brave and unpopular move of flying 2 flags in tandem within Northern Ireland (or at least at Casement Park) it would be quite a feat as (again) Northern Ireland doesn't have its own flag.

So there's only so much bleating one can do till Norn Iron has a flag of its own (not one to share with the other UK nations).

7/ Antrim and Down GAAs could 'backfire'
What if Protestants were to up the ante and join Antrim and Down GAAs in Droves?

It would certainly lead to a Unionist majority in Antrim and a slight majority in Down.

What would happen?

Would political types use these GAA counties as political hostages (and cause grief for everyone as usual)?

Would they re-open the dreaded Belfast 'fleg' issue by insisting upon Union Flags to be flown on GAA grounds till 'tha fleg goes up again'?

When one looks at the 'leaders' of various Unionist protest groups one does wonder:

Future GAA leaders?

NOTE:
TO BE FAIR TO WILLIE FRAZER (as much as your narrator is not a fan of is, reinforcing a link between Protestantism and the Union Flag is a disaster for Irish Unionism), AS A YOUTH IN SOUTH ARMAGH HE DID PARTICIPATE IN GAELIC FOOTBALL.
 THE TRAGIC EVENTS THAT AFFECTED HIS FAMILY IN THE FOLLOWING YEARS UNDERSTANDABLY DID A LOT TO SOUR HIS VIEW OF THE ORGANISATION GIVEN ITS CHERISHED PLACE WITHIN REPUBLICANISM

4/ The Orange Order and Loyalist Bands

Well, we'll keep this short:

The Orange Order.
Has a lot of nice chaps in it. Seriously.
It has a lot of old men too.
And a fair whack of religious nutters.
It is paranoid about the shrinking Unionist Population and the rise of Themuns.
It can't seem to move with the times so it falls for every PR trap in the book.

All your humble narrator can do is implore the obvious: That they use a bit of common sense when dealing with contentious issues.
For example, perhaps not asking for thousands of people to descend on controversial route after a day's heavy drinking in the sun.

Also, have a word with the chaps who organise the bonfires in the name of the 12th.

It may only be a few bad eggs here and there but burning tri-colours and displaying banners that say KAT (Kill All Taigs) is bad PR. And unlikely to endear you to the local population.

Loyalist Bands

Awesome

Awful

 VS 


Just one suggestion to begin with:
Given that all bands on a parade take a break (one can't flute constantly for miles on end) why not kill two birds with one stone and coincide the breaks with the stretches of the march that go past Catholic Churches?

It could be an unwritten rule.

Everyone wins and nobody loses.

Thoughts?

What is over looked is that these bands are an amazing spectacle.
Truly.
And the skill levels of some of the lads on the fifes and batons are pretty hard to beat.

Which makes one wonder why they put so much effort into flushing some thing this great down the toilet when the opportunity presents itself.

Observe:

This video is the culture at its best.

Folk music for the first part, WWI footage throughout (Northern Protestants have a great deal of pride in the 36th (Ulster) Division and its exploits in WWI) and only a misanthropic, soul-less Chekist would deny the skill level of the music for the final minute of this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyL-KucgYps
Brilliant.

Whereas, the behavior that makes it to TV screen every year belittles the whole culture (that's the bottom line, doesn't matter WHO started it).


5/ Segregated Schools

Just mix them.
Really.
It'll be hell for a while, but it'll fizzle out.

Integrated Schools: The work of the Commie-Jews...

Some Nationalist commentators have been honest enough to admit their chief fear is a loss of Nationalist culture may ensue.
Your humble narrator sees their point, state schools can be a bland affair.

In that case, can we simply give the choice to pupils if they want to play Gaelic games or learn Irish?
Or is that not enough brain-washing?

Whilst some Catholic kids may decline this offer it's almost certain that some Protestant children will be adventurous enough to taste the forbidden fruit of Gaelic games.

There is a feeble brained argument doing the rounds that once the kids get to 'Tech' or grammar school then everything'll be fine.

This ignores the point that the kids have spent 12 years learning apart.

There's only so much can be done to bring them together.

Such was the case in the 'Tech' school of your lowly narrator.
There was very little mixing between the tribes.
 We sat in class existing with each other but the social groups were largely religion based.

Were the kids to be sat beside each other from day one then Wee Davey McLoyalist might have more respect for Gaelic games and culture if his best mate Wee Sean McHurleystick was playing hurling for their school.

It's a bit more difficult for this to permeate the mind of a 16 year old who has listened to years of playground dogma regarding 'Themuns'.

Perhaps Wee Davey will some day go out with Wee Sean's sister (snake in the grass that he is, I never trusted thon...). Hows that for 'integrating'?

Another point highlighted is that of morals.
 Some people point to the moral teachings of Catholic schools.
These people should learn that state schools have similar classes too so a Catholic education is no more or less likely to ensure a morally upstanding citizen.

Religious Catholic Pupils have Catholic guilt, religious Protestant Pupils have the fear of Hell-fire:
HE IS WATCHING YOU ALL. (especially when you touch yourself, sicko...)


Anecdotally speaking, your humble narrator was never bested when it came to a 'Bible show down' with his Catholic opposite numbers.
And that's coming from an immoral State school.

Someone's argument somewhere is porous...

Hurling: Apparently, one will have the same amount of respect for the sport if one encounters it at the age of 16 after spending years thinking "it's for taigs only" as one would if one has been exposed to it from a young age courtesy of integrated education. Simples!?

AFTERTHOUGHT: Your besieged narrator's views on mixed schools usually run into the following attempt at a rebuttal:
"I know a fella who went to a mixed school and he was a fierce Republican/Loyalist..."

You humble narrator knew of similar fellows in mixed schools.

It's not the political school of thought that your narrator despises, rather the bigotry that comes much easier from an environment where there are none of 'the other sort'.

One can be a fire-breathing-dyed-in-the-wool Republican/Loyalist and bear no grudge (or interest) in some one's religious beliefs.

It has also been suggested within earshot of your despairing narrator that mixed schools are not necessary as teachers educate people on the importance of respect for others.

A noble sentiment and one which your narrator salutes.

Although, he must point out that teachers also warn of the following pitfalls:

Poor exam results.
Laziness.
Drinking.
Drugs.
Underage sex.

How confident then can one be that the evils of bigotry against people whom you never mix with are received 'loud and clear'?

"Bigotry is bad mmmkay?"

'Ulster'-Scot or Simply Ulster-Prot(estant)?

The Punishment
It is the unworthy opinion of your humble narrator that culturally speaking Northern Ireland has been dealt something akin to a punishment set by the Gods of Mount Olympus.

Not satisfied with just plain old pain or misery these Gods of old usually tended to add an ironic twist here or a 'humorous' slant there.
A more famous example is that of Tantalus:

He didn't so much 'bite the hand that feeds' as 'bit it, chopped it up, cooked it and served it as dinner to the people (well, Gods) who took him in'.
They punished him by placing him in the middle of a river underneath a fruit tree.

Not so bad I hear you cry.

Whilst this might sound better than a spell in Maghaberry, it should be noted that Tantalus was condemned to this for eternity. And to make matters worse, whenever he reached to grab the fruit or drink the water, both prizes would recede away from him leaving him hungry and thirsty despite being surrounded by an abundance of food and water.

Hence 'tantalisingly close'...

Now, leaving the confines of Tartarus and returning to the other place the Gods have sent their worst (Northern Ireland) we come to the matter at hand.

Belfast: The ancient Greek word for 'Hell'

New Tartarus?
Ireland, as we know, has a rich culture: Music, folk dancing, Gaelic sports, Gaelic language, whiskey.

Scotland, has an equally rich culture, one which has in many parts been spawned by it's early roots in Ireland, not to mention its very name; 'Scot' is an old Latin word for 'Gael': Music, folk dancing, Gaelic sports, Gaelic language, Whisky.


Granted, each has its own variations and each has dealt with the arrival of English in a different way.
The Irish took it to the heart of their poetic bosom and the Scottish fashioned it to their taste to such an extent that it is regarded in some circles as another language as is its regional variations e.g. Lallans, Doric to name a couple.

In Scotland, the great Highland-Lowland divide served as a cultural fault-line between the Gaelic lands and the 'Scots' but by and large it has reconciled itself to a mixture of the two, for example just go to a wedding in the ever so Anglo Edinburgh to see the widespread use of Highland culture and influences (thanks in part to Sir Walter Scott and a couple of Polish chaps).

Highlander

Lowlander?

To Gael or Not to Gael?
In Northern Ireland however, there is no such reconciliation.

The regrettable reality is that somehow, somewhere along the line, Gaelic culture was seemingly surrendered by the residents chiefly of Scottish descent.

The mere mention of the word 'Gaelic' conjures images of woodkerns, insurgents and barbarous types waiting in the wings to rid 'the planter' from the land (a la 1641).

Given this horror-reflex, it is perhaps not surprising that the Gaelic history of Northern Ireland's Protestants has been exiled to lurk some dark room like an unwanted handicapped Edwardian Royal mule child.

Few are aware for example, that it is supposed (by folks in the know, 'the Ultach') that over half of the (first batch, early 17th century) planters from Scotland were Gaelic speakers.

It was noted how in some cases English speakers actively learned Gaelic to make life easier for themselves.

Indeed, in county Antrim, there would have been many (relatively speaking) who would understand the Scottish Gaels perfectly, as that was a MacDonald stronghold, themselves of Scottish Gaelic origin.

Although this Scottish aspect is forgotten when 1641 is mentioned as the MacDonalds quickly joined in the slaughter against the Protestant new-comers (telling Protestant school kids that Scots killed Scots in Ireland is a bit confusing and quite frankly detracts from the point that it's the f*nians that ye have to mind...)

Imagine if you will, a conversation some where exotic between an Ulster-Scot ex-pat and a Scot from the Western Isles of Scotland.

Lets say The Ulster Scot is a Free Presbyterian called McDonald and is from Co Antrim.

Lets say that the Hebridean is a Free Presbyterian called MacDonald:

Ulster Scot: "Hello there! I over heard you talking, you sound like you're from my part of the world, My name is Mcdonald,"
Hebridean Scot: "well Ciamar a tha sibh? My name is MacDonald too!"

US (sourly): "Sorry, I'm afraid I don't understand Gaelic, where I come from it's regarded as a catholic thing, if you'll excuse me, I'm on my way to find my new church near here..."
HS (shocked): "Oh, sorry. I'm on my way to church too, the free Presbyterian church, are you new here? It IS a Gaelic church after all"

*Ulster Scot is numbed with shock and falls into a catatonic state*

Your narrator considers this discarding of Gaelic culture to be highly insulting to our neighbours in the east and North.
In the Islands Free-Presbyterianism and Presbyterianism are the main religions of Gaelic speakers there.

Bearing in mind the significance that your every day Ulster Scot places on the Kingdom of Dalriada, it seems strange to alienate the language of that kingdom.


Add to that pot the Protestant Gaeltacts in early Belfast (including the Shankill), the numerous examples of Protestant Gaelic academics and wot-not and you have quite a considerable portfolio of evidence to debunk any myth about Gaelic being the sole refuge of 'themuns'.

"What if I told you that Protestants once spoke Gaelic? Would you take the 'green' pill...?"

"A new culture for every one?! Awey an boil yer heid!"
Evidence, it would appear, is schmevidence as far as the new cultural dimension of Northern Ireland is concerned.

Over the past few years there has been as welcomed growth in the 'Ulster Scots' aspect of Northern Irish culture.

A cultural boost.

Your unworthy narrator was most pleased to see this arrive on the scene as it finally allowed Protestants to listen to fiddles, folk music and celidh bands without the kind of guilt usually reserved for teenagers and their new found 'dirty' habits.

He thought in his foolishness that perhaps the great cultural cross-pollination would begin and that the North would at last 'march' (not the best choice of word possibly) to a vibrant tune of Scottish-Irish re-integration.

A great musical and cultural 'home coming' if you will.

Where instead of simply Irish dancing AND Scottish dancing there could be a mix of both, one that would take the best bits of the two and splice them together.
Or even where each club or dance school would take the best bits that appealed simply to them and give each part of the land it's own little variations (as was the case with fiddling, it differed from county to county).

Willie: Not so saft!

(On that note, one must hasten to add that there is such an old dance as championed by Willie Drennan, but it has yet to be embraced by the communities in a big way)

  PLUS THIS?


Where instead of the traditional folk sessions that we know of throughout the land, there could be ones adorned with more Scottish aspects (as was the case back in 'the day').

(This happened once before, reels are a Scottish gift to Irish folk music (read 'Handed Down: Country fiddling and dancing in Central and East Down, it'll blow your mind! http://www.amazon.co.uk/Handed-Down-Country-Fiddling-Dancing/dp/1908448512)).

Where pipers, Gaels, lambegs and bodhrans could join in force to make a racket that would shake the mountains and blow the minds of tourists.

Alas, the 'home coming' has turned into a bout of cherry picking.

Your lowly narrator could understand such a path IF the Ulster-Scots champions played the Lowland Scots card.
I would hold my tongue and bite my lip knowing that they were (sort of) correct.

BUT the precedent of Gaelic acceptance has been made: Bagpipes (more RSPBA members in Norn Iron than in Scotland), kilts (or whatever watered down version they have now) and even HIGHLAND dancing (there's a Highland dancing school in Magherafelt, a place where it's not unheard of to regard Irish as a 'foreign' language).

So, while it would appear that some parts of Scottish culture are appealing, coincidentally and strangely enough these very parts are the ones that don't overlap with any cultural aspects of 'the natives' hence the Ulster Scots don't rush to learn Gaelic nor play Shinty.
But anything that is a demarcation from 'themuns' is deemed worthy.

Irish bagpipes?!! NO!!!!!!

A club for millions around the world (except you know who)
So, given the purge of Scottish culture by the Scots in the original 'Scot-land' one must ask 'how open is this club'?

Many people in Northern Ireland of a nationalist background have Scottish roots.

Many more aren't even aware of it given that their ancestors went 'native' very comfortably, e.g. the O'Sweeneys owe their place in Ireland to an older wave of Scottish migration to Ulster, the Gallowglass, Highland & Island mercenaries from Scotland.

North Antrim is full of Catholics with Gallowglass names: MacDonnell, McSheehy, McAuley, McCabe to name a few...

Gallowglass: Just leave him be...

So, were do these most Scottish of the Ulster Scots fit in?
Why can't they join in (even if they wanted to)?

Most of the Catholic towns in North and East Antrim can actually see Scotland on a clear day and can tune into Radio Alba should it tickle their fancy.



The same can't be said for the Ulster-Scots of Mid-Ulster, who are seemingly so distraught at the thought of being 'Irish' that they'll clasp at anything that promises cultural deliverance.



Again, like so many things in NI does it boil down to which church you had your head wetted in when you were a baby?

Why can a Protestant O'Neill or McLean be considered an Ulster-Scot but not a Catholic McDonnell or McLean?

Flegs (again)
Given that the cultural aspect of Ulster-Scots is to celebrate the Scottish aspect of their Ulster (read 'Irish') background, then why do political symbols feature so prominently?
There were no Ulster flags back in the time of the plantations. There wasn't even a United Kingdom (as such, don't split hairs).
Yet go to any Ulster-Scots event and you're very likely to see the redundant Ulster flag (out of use since '73) or a Union Flag.

Now, your narrator does so love a good Union Flag. But there is a time and a place.
Such places do not include the waistline of a 'flegtard' protester or a cultural event that should in theory encapsulate the TWO main communities in Northern Ireland.
Especially as one of those communities has a bit of a chequered history with the Union Flag (but which one? aha!).

"NOT TODAY, UNION FLAG MAN!"

So why bother using it?

Will the music sound worse?

Will a point be lost?

Does the flying of a Union flag not fly in the face of the support for the Ulster-American rebels during the War of Independence?

Oh the irony of it all...

So, as it happens, the Ulster-Scots movement is increasingly becoming the sole preserve of the Unionist community.
Which means that the Ulster-Scots movement itself has an ever shrinking target market from the word go given the demographic pattern in Northern Ireland.


Apply a bit of common sense to the project and bring in the Scottish Gaelic element from the cold and then the market expands dramatically, potentially taking in Donegal, Monaghan and Cavan.

With this expansion potentially comes a natural cross-pollination of culture which stands to be greater than the sum of it's parts: The parts being very fine in their own right too, the cultures of Scotland and the cultures of Ireland.

Quois? Sto? Was? Cad é? Что? Apa? Kio?
So, the big question, bearing in mind that your low-born narrator is more than aware of the Northern Irish anomalies like Protestant GAA players, Asian and Arab Loyalists, Protestant Republicans et al, he is nonetheless very aware that they are known for being what they are, the exceptions rather than the rule, certainly not THE NORM, presumably like any Catholic Ulster Scots that may be in (agency approved) existence:

So,Time to be honest, is it actually for Ulster-Scots or just Ulster-Protestants?

Now, just add a lambeg drum and we're sorted...

Afterthought: Perhaps, introducing the Gaelic element to the Ulster-Scots culture amount to signing it's own death warrant?
Perhaps they believe that Gaelic is now so unpalatable to the Protestant community that it is a paradox worth having?
Your wretched narrator grieves at this thought.

10 Things That Unionists/Protestants Do That Harm Northern Ireland's Place in The UK

In no particular order, your humble narrator has decided to splutter some observations onto the interweb thing.

These observations all revolve around the mind-boggling actions of a people who claim to cherish their place in the UK but cause more trouble for HM Government than all the other UK nations, colonies, Crown dependencies, overseas territories or even Commonwealth countries put together.

And then blame it on the F*nians...

1/ UBER BRITISHNESS

Although many people in England are proud of being English and British like the Scots who are proud of being Scottish and British like those Welsh who are proud of being Welsh and British or the Manx who are proud of being Manx and British the same cannot be said for the inhabitants of Northern Ireland.

They are (by and large) either simply Irish or British (apparently).

This causes a great deal of confusion to manys a tourist.

Now, lets be clear. Your narrator can enjoy a great last night of the proms waving a fleg, singing rule Britannia with the best and worst of them. It's not the pride in being British that the narrator scorns, rather the rejection of any kind of pride in having a unique culture of one's own.

Why is this detrimental to Norn Iron's position in the UK? Well, it makes it harder for the overdue and long deserved merger of the two communities to happen and ensures the never ending merry-go-round of hostility can be opened whenever the political classes need a few votes.

2/ FLEGTARDS

 

Simply put:

They embarrass the Protestants of Northern Ireland

Everyone in the mainland thinks we're all nuts.

Their protests cost the Crown money.

When people in England realise exactly how much money they'll be more amenable to the idea of getting shot of Northern Ireland.

Want to stick it to Republicans so badly?
 Want to 'fight for Ulster'?
 Well, how about taking over the Antrim and Down GAAs? It could be easily done in Ballymena, Ballymoney, Carrickfergus, Larne, Glenarm, Ballyclare, Antrim and North Down.

There you can cause a ruckus and get concessions.

Not by burning your own city during the busiest time of the year.


3/ NO ANTHEM OR FLAG FOR NORTHERN IRELAND

As long as Northern Ireland uses the Ulster Banner and God Save the Queen for football games then there's very little chance of Catholics coming to support Northern Ireland.

No Catholic support then no national pride.

No national pride then a limited time in the Union.

FACT.


4/ LIVING IN DENIAL

Since the troubles started there has been a solid exodus of educated Protestants from Northern Ireland.      At the same time there has been a steady increase in the Catholic and ergo Nationalist community.

There has been NO effort to make the UK option palatable to the Nationalist community, ever (well, arguably at its very inception, the jury's out on that one).

Everyone knows that Northern Ireland needs the Catholic vote to survive.

But the people who can make a difference such as the Loyalist bands, the Orange Order and indeed the IFA (see above) do nothing about it.

Feel free to make a suggestion but be prepared to be told why they can't (won't) do anything till Sinn Fein do something. Seemingly oblivious to the fact that this state of affairs suits Sinn Fein nicely;

"Ah, so you'll only start to make yourselves more appealing to the nationalist community and thereby set back our plans for a united Ireland IF we make the first move? Hmmm, let us think about this one. for maybe another 50 years..."

Here's some things loyalists could do to make the idea of Northern Ireland more attractive to the Catholic community and help steer them away from nationalism/'unificationism':

*  Get a  flag for Northern Ireland (The Ulster Banner is defunct, has been for decades)
*  Have a Northern Ireland Anthem
*  Condemn all bands that carry the banners of groups that murdered people
*  Condemn all bands that act in a non-Christian manner outside places of worship
*  Stop nick-naming bands with names such as 'The KAI' or 'The KAT'
*  Stop threatening security personnel outside catholic pubs as they parade by
*  Stop asking Bobby Sands if he would "like a sausage supper"
*  Exercise the right to sometimes not walk down a certain route. (on which point, surely it would be better from a Protestant point of view to allow Protestant shops to benefit from the parade as opposed to those on the contentious route?)

These small steps will go a long way to helping make Northern Ireland more palatable to the Nationalist community.

Your humble narrator is pretty confident that Sinn Fein would not like Northern Ireland to be more palatable to the Nationalist community as it fiddles with their plans for a united Ireland.

Just saying like...

5 UNIONIST POLITICIANS

After decades of fear mongering they can do little else. They can't be too progressive because they've spent such a long time breeding suspicion and fear amongst their electorate.

Speak against the tribe as it wanders over a cliff and you'll be deemed a Lundy, so they have little choice but to continue along the increasingly pothole filled path of 'No surrender'.



6/ FEAR OF ALL THINGS GAELIC 

PADRAIG POST: Not a threat to the Union.

In fairness, this one is (PERCEIVED to be) pretty much the fault of Republicans who have hijacked the Irish language.

But the gusto to which Protestants have taken in turning their back on the language of their ancestors is startling.

Ironically in Scotland most Gaelic speakers are free Presbyterian. Just sayin'...

Just to ease you all in, if you have the following surnames, then you had a Gaelic speaking ancestor:

Any surname beginning in Mc/Mac, such as McDonald, McCrea, McCoist, McMaster, McKay, McClure, McLennan, McClean and so on and so forth.

Anglicised Scottish Gaelic names: Boyd, Buchannan, Campbell, Douglas, Ferguson, Bryce, Gilmore, Gow, Gowan, Keil, Keogh, Patterson, Sinclair, Taggart, Morrison

Anglicised Irish surnames: Burns, Colgan, Garvin, Kane, Kilroy, Downie, Dowie


These names are all popular Northern Irish names.

So if you have a name like this in your family, then someone somewhere along the line of your family spoke a form of Gaelic.

Just saying like....

As did Edward Carson.

And Gusty Spence.

And the RHC's motto is in Gaelic.

As was the Anti-Home Rule movement; "Erin go Bragh"




7/ "NOT AN INCH" AND "NO SURRENDER!" 

This has been the main downfall of the Protestant Unionist community at every turn.

It may have started with the Siege of Derry.

There, they understandably cried "No Surrender!" and as luck would have it the fat incompetent commander of the Jacobite forces brought knives to a gun fight (small artillery) so the almost indefensible city had a lucky escape.

It's akin to a supermodel escaping a night in 'Rape Alley' because all the rapists had small penises.

Anyhow, since then it's backfired, observe:

HOME RULE CRISIS:

Objective - Keep Ireland as part of the UK

Worst case scenario - Ireland as a part of the Empire, with the British Monarch as the head of state and the Protestants as a very influential class (they controlled industry, the banks and were the top brass in the army)

Attutude -  "Not an inch"

Result - Partition, an eventual Republic to the South which had nothing to do with the Crown or Empire and a confessional state that served as a cultural and religious focal point for Northern Ireland's Catholics.


CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT:

Objective - Keep the taigs down

Worst case scenario - That there would be some form of equality in Northern Ireland for the non-property owning class. Catholics (and other "undesirables") would have have the vote.

Attitude - "not an inch"

Result - A deadly mix of nationalism (British and Irish), socialism, religious based agitation and heavy drinking on a Friday night leads to almost civil war. Then the army come in to (sort of) save the Catholics. Then the Catholics start shooting them. Although the prods have the first crack at it. etc etc. Not to mention the fact that Catholics (and other "undesirables") received the right to vote.


SUNNINGDALE AGREEMENT:

Objective - Oppose any form of power sharing

Attitude - "not an inch"

Result - 25+ years of chaos, an exodus in educated Protestants. And Power sharing with the 'IRA'.


ANGLO-IRISH AGREEMENT:

Objective - Oppose the implementation of the agreement

Attitude - C'mon, guess...

Result - Maggie tells everyone to get bent. Paisley achieves nothing. As usual.


DRUMCREE & THE GARVAGHY ROAD 1995:

Objective - March down the Garvaghy road

Attitude - "No surrender"

Result - still waiting...


BELFAST CITY HALL AND THE 'FLEG' 

You don't need me for this one...

I think we get the idea and the total returns on that strategy.

So, let's apply this thinking to the following problems for Unionism:

1/ Unionists need Catholics to prefer Northern Ireland over the Republic otherwise it'll die.
See above for suggestions.

Likely Unionist response - No Surrender and a complete cluster f*ck



2/ Unacceptability of the GAA to Unionists

Well, it's a toss up between manning-the-f*ck-up and joining it, enduring pain for a few years and ultimately changing it or doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Likely Unionist response - No Surrender and nothing changed at all. As usual.

Antrim GAA: The first Protestant GAA County? You decide.

8/ THINKING THAT EVERY CATHOLIC IS A 'PROVO'

           


They're not. How much proof do you need?


Let's look at some Non-Provo Catholics:

* Rory McIlroy

If it has an Ulster Fleg it probably ain't a Provo...

* Sir John Reginald Gorman (Captain) CVO, CBE, MC, DL. UUP member.

 

The man has more metal than an Iron Maiden concert


9/ BRITISHNESS VS IRISHNESS

This is a battle that can't be won.

Why? well, a bunch of pesky, smart, intelligent and influential Unionists already stuck their nose into this arena.

They declared over 100 years ago that they were Irish.

Yes, Irishmen in favour of the UK.

Not 'British men in Ireland' in favour of the UK

You can be Irish and British. It is almost impossible to be just 'British'.

http://amgobsmacked.blogspot.com.au/2013/04/culturally-british-vs-culturally-irish.html

10/ FLEGS 

THAT's what all the fuss was about...

Putting them up everywhere intimidates people, scares others and draws battle lines.
The Unionist battle lines are ever-shrinking.
 This is a luxury they can no longer afford.

Plus they sometimes contradict each other;
On the same lamp post one can sometimes see an Ulster flag (redundant), a Union Flag and an independence flag.

NOTE: If you fly an independence flag it shows that you are not happy with the Union. And are probably not a Unionist. Sort it out please.

Integrated Apartheid

Or in Northern Irish schools: "Protestants on one side of the school, Catholics on the other"

The scale of the ineptocracy that we know as the Northern Ireland Assembly grows ever more expensive and incompetent.

Despite being a generally accepted fact by everyone on the planet that sending Northern Irish kids to religiously separated schools is a BAD IDEA the powers that be at Stormont have decided that they know best and will build expensive new campuses to house SEPARATE schools.

A curious move for a group tasked with the goal of creating a shared future.

It would appear they interpret this as 'the very very distant future'.

Sinn Féin, curiously, are seemingly quite keen on keeping the kiddies apart.

So much for 'Ourselves Alone', it's more of a case of 'Ourselves and themuns in the other class rooms down the corridor'.

So, your humble narrator has had a little look to see if there are any valid reasons for supporting this apartheid.

Long story short, 'NO'.

However, let's go through some of the more interesting snippets.:

"Sinn Féin believes in secular education and in multi-denominational schools..." - which is why there is no mention of removing mono-denominational schools from the state system?

"We would like to see the same resources now being given to integrated schools also being given to Irish language-medium schools" - Well, maybe they might, if Sinn Fein would leave the Irish language alone and thus help remove the perception that Irish is for republicans only.

"The past absence of Irish history teaching and the ban-ning and neglect of the Irish language in the school cur-riculum has been at least as responsible for contributing to the problems of society in the North as the absence of integrated education." - 
Interesting point. How is history taught in mixed schools at present? How much does it differ from Sinn Féin's version of history that EVERYTHING is the fault of the British or the hardline Unionist version that suggests 'everything will be all right if you'd leave it all alone'....

In mixed schools there is no reason why Irish can't be taught. Indeed, it'll have access to a wider audience with the other half of Northern Ireland being exposed to the language. This would also help defuse any future potential confrontations regarding Irish sign-age around the country.

Damn it, make it compulsory for a year or two if need be. Or a Gaelic 'history' class where pupils could learn the basic words that are common to both Scottish Gaelic and Ulster Gaelic and learn other principle causes for the language's decline *COUGH CATHOLIC CHURCH COUGH COUGH!!*

Arguably, that could keep the 'Ulster Scots' contingent happy too, adding a Scottish slant to daily education.

With regards to sports, well, there'll probably be loggerheads regarding Gaelic sports.
At first, maybe Rugby and Gaelic football could be the principle sports, over the years the Gaelic games might become more appealing to Protestants. This in turn could apply pressure on the GAA to alter it's 'uninviting' appearance.

Who knows....

This educational apartheid is expensive, unjustifiable and a cancer to Northern Ireland's communities.

The only people who gain from it are those who depend on divided communities i.e. the politicians in charge.

'Marketing' - "Filthy word, deleted from Unionist dictionary"

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN, THE ULSTER BANNER AND THE EVER SHRINKING NORN IRON FAN BASE

PLUS THIS 



EQUALS THIS?

The world's biggest companies spend billions between them on marketing, advertising and psychology.

'Tractor trailer loads' of it if one wants to use a local standard measurement.

The general belief is that if you put across a positive message/image/something that can connect with a certain part of someone's psyche then they will be drawn towards your product. Now, whether that  'something' is related to food/sex/luxury or whatever, it doesn't really matter, there's a marketeer somewhere who knows which buttons to press.

Unless you're a unionist who follows the trials and tribulations of the Northern Ireland football team.

Now, for a group of people born of industrialists (Craig) and generally  wealthy know-it-alls (Randolph Churchill, Lord Carson etc) this trait of modern commerce is somewhat lost in the land of Unionism.

What your humble narrator refers to specifically is the Northern Ireland football team.

The psychological elephant in the room in this case is the illogical use by the Irish Football Association (IFA) of symbols that pretty much turn off half of the population from supporting our beleaguered team.

The symbols in question include the 'Ulster Flag' which although it was the official flag of Northern Ireland at one point, it was disbanded in the early 70's.

It is well known that half of the population of Northern Ireland don't like this flag and it helps to further push them into supporting the Republic .

Another marketing boo-boo is that of using the UK NATIONAL Anthem instead of a regional anthem like they use in Scotland or Wales.


Leaving aside for a while (if you please) the fact that for some reason the UK alone (I think? Open to correction by all means) is allowed to divide herself into 4 constituent nations (no doubt to the chagrin of the Basques) for sporting events one feels obliged to cover the inconsistencies that govern the 4 nations and their approach to their flags and anthems.

 

Happy, Happy, Happy.....








 BUT

   ?????????????


So;

Scotland: Flag = St Andrew's Cross, Anthem (unofficial?) = 'Flower of Scotland'; Result at games = St Andrew's Cross and 'Flower of Scotland'

Wales: Flag = The Red Dragon, Anthem = 'Old Land of My Fathers'; Result at games = The Red Dragon and 'Old Land of My Fathers'

England: Flag = St George's Cross, Anthem = Nothing official so; Result at games = St George's Cross and ...sporting teams bounce between 'Jerusalem', 'Land of Hope and Glory', 'God Save the Queen' and 'Swing Low Sweet Chariot' (sort of...)

Northern Ireland = No official flag (De jure) but uses redundant Ulster Banner (De facto), Anthem = 'Londonderry Air' (at some Commowealth Games) or 'God Save the Queen'.




So, there you go, the other two 'Celtic' countries are happy enough with their own flag and anthem, England, understandably (being the other name for 'Britain') is so-so.

Northern Ireland on the other hand, despite being one of the worst football teams on Earth, still insists on a policy of that embraces the 'UK' national anthem ( England is the only other team so arrogant as to claim it) instead of a regional anthem as well as foisting a redundant flag.

Admittedly, there is very little choice as far as flags are concerned officially as Stormont has as much interest in creating a flag for Northern Ireland as JD wetherspoons has in creating a nice pint.

But, having said that, your humble narrator has noticed that many Irish pubs have started flying IRFU flags instead of tri-colours, why don't the IFA do something similar until (or when/if) there is a new Northern Ireland flag?

https://www.facebook.com/newniflag



What about this one? Hmmmmm?

So.

Surely it makes sense, in 'business terms' to have a flag and an anthem FULL STOP?

Even better if that flag and anthem can include the other half of the population?

The main argument against such a move?

Yes, you guessed it; "No Surrender!"

To have such a logical and business savvy move would obviously be giving into the popish plot to overthrow loyal Ulster.

Much better to subvert this plot by being completely sh*te at football and have no football competitions to look forward to as well as seeing potentially half of the local talent (literally, not homosexually) 'go south'.

To summarise the whole episode, here is a picture of the intellectual task force that sought reassurance from that IFA that such a logical transformation would never occur.

(NOTE: A poster on the mother of all Northern Irish blogs, 'sluggerotoole.com' (cheers Mick!) pointed out how the afore mentioned uber Britischers are standing beside a Celtic Cross. With shamrocks. And the word 'Irish'.)

"We're not Irish. But we love a good Celtic Cross. And Shamrocks. And the word 'Irish'. And the word 'Ireland'. 

AMENDMENT: Had to tinker with some of the wording above thanks to keeping an eye on a session over at planet Newsletter, lest ye all notice something 'fishy'...